.i'll become what i deserve.

harrietvane:

One of the most insightful things I’ve ever read about eating disorders and body esteem in general was a comment on my blog a while ago that I regret being unable to find now. The writer was saying that most people think girls want to be skinny because of Hollywood and Vogue. This girl wanted to be skinny because she wanted to be a protagonist.

She didn’t expose herself to mainstream fashion magazines or TV; she was interested in art films and books and indie music. But no matter how alternative the movie, the protagonist was almost always skinny. And wanting to be a protagonist means wanting to besomeone, as most people do. Apparently, your story is only worth hearing, you’re only someone, if you’re skinny—it’s like, the blueprint of a human. Once that’s down, you’re allowed to be as interesting and protagonist-y as you want! Apparently.

Tavi Gevinson - How to Not Care What Other People Think Of You - 2. Liking Your Body/Face (Rookie Mag, 1/24/12)

Word. Our stories tell us what we are to expect, what we want and we should want. Even if you don’t think this is happening to you, it is happening to you. If our stories are only about one kind of person (or one colour, or one gender, or one age), then we will absorb the concept that That is Who Things Happen To, and that is who does things in the world. You’ll just be a watcher. Your brain will tell you that battles are fought, won or lost by people who look that way - love is gained or lost by people who look that way - heroes and villains and all their friends look that way. Don’t look like that? Then it will be extremely hard to put yourself in a story. And this is the important part: in any story. You can’t see yourself in that romcom getting the guy also becomes you can’t see yourself getting that job - because to DO things requires us to tell ourselves stories. Stories about what we’re having for lunch today (I’ll go down the street and there’ll be a shop, I’ll walk into the shop, on the counter I’ll reach out and grab a…), and stories about what we’ll do this weekend/next year/with that person/with your life. You put yourself in a story and try it out. Ever said “oh I could never do that”? It’s because, without even thinking about it, you tried it out in a story in your head and you didn’t fit. Why doesn’t it fit? If all our stories about That Thing You Want are done by the anglo, young and slim, then if you are NOT these things your brain will struggle to fit around doing them. “I’m not capable of doing that - I’ve never seen one of Me do that ever”,”Will people be OK with me doing that?”, “Am I even allowed to do that?”. The protagonist: it tells us who we are. 

We need more protagonists.